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thepauser

~ “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” Pippi Longstocking (Astrid Lindgren)

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Category Archives: Marriage

Daily Discomfort: Love and Time

13 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by koehlerjoni in Essay, Marriage

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Love, Marriage, Valentine's Day

When the time was right....

When the time was right….

Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with someone else.  The relationship with the other guy was on again, off again, and lasted for many years.  I often felt confused about other guy’s intentions, his level of commitment.  So when things were finally, irrevocably over with him, I decided I would not invest more than a year in a new relationship unless a proposal was forthcoming.

I met my husband’s backside first.  He was bent over, wrestling a washing machine into a rental house that I was going to share with a friend.  I thought it was a pretty good backside, but I was more impressed with the fact that he was moving a heavy appliance for a girl who was just a friend.  All of my prior experience with young men had led me to believe that most of them were too lazy to heft large objects for others.

I went to college with my friend, and over the years, she’d mentioned my husband’s name.  She got engaged a lot.  When her latest engagement would meet its inevitable conclusion, she would say, “It’s alright.  I’ll just go home and marry Brian Super Husband.”  I thought nothing of this Super Husband person until I was in close proximity to the back of his legs.

My attraction was instantaneous.  He was tall and good looking, and when he smiled, his feelings went into his eyes.  I think he was attracted to me as well, because he asked me out within the first couple of days.

As we got to know one another, a couple of things became apparent. First, he wasn’t going to marry my friend; she was engaged to someone at the time. Second, Super Husband and I were two very different people. This message became clear on my first visit to his parent’s house just a couple of weeks after we started dating.

The neighbor called asking for help with a cow.  I was from the city and had no idea what sort of help a cow would need. I watched from the safety of the truck as he and the neighbor chased a pregnant cow with the tractor.  When they finally caught her, they attached this crane to her hind end and turned a crank.  As they toiled over the crank, a calf emerged feet first, eventually spilling out onto the ground covered in this gray goo.  Since the cow wasn’t breathing, Super Husband did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  He had kissed me with that mouth.

As much as this incident shocked me, it also let me know that this was a man who would took care of his shit.  He wasn’t much for words, but his actions would always speak for him.  I loved him even then.

I think his tractor's sexy.

I think his tractor’s sexy.

Three months into the relationship, he said he loved me, too.  We spent all of our free time together, and got along very well, but there were obstacles, things I was concerned about.  He smelled all of his food before he ate.  I thought that was weird.  He was Catholic.  He drank sometimes.  I was Baptist, and no one in my family drank.  He used the words damn and hell in some of his sentences. He said, “Where are you at?” and I considered this ending of sentences with prepositions a greater crime than his occasional swearing.  He was precise and mathematical; I was a big picture, find your bliss kind of girl.  He was a mechanic; I was a musician.  He was calm; I was dramatic.  He was about actions, and I was about words.

He wasn’t like any man I’d ever known.  He’d ask questions.  When did you last check the air in your tires?  Have you got your purse?  Do you want to take your little brother and sister to the movies?  How is your money holding out?   He listened to me rattle on about my workday, sympathizing with my plights and rejoicing in my victories.  He said, “Take your time.”  I love that phrase. Take your time. I loved it then and I love it now.

We couldn’t have been more opposite, and yet we fit.  However, when we were nearing the eleven month mark, I couldn’t smell a proposal in the air. My self-imposed one year relationship investment followed me around like a ghost.  I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to say he wasn’t ready for a commitment.  I lived in dread of the day when I would have to break it off.

I went to a wedding in El Paso with my parents the weekend after Thanksgiving.  All the way there and all the way back, I thought about how I would live without him.  A couple of hours before my parents delivered me to the door of my apartment, I told them about my time limit, and that I would have to break up with him if the relationship didn’t progress.  Of course, they said they would support me no matter what I decided.  I cried.  I cried for about two hours while my parents sat in the front in awkward silence.  When we pulled up to my apartment, I still had tears in my eyes.  I remember blowing my nose right as we rounded the corner that lead to my front door.

Super Husband was standing at the door to my apartment, waiting.  He had part of the newspaper in his hand.  After we went into the apartment and greeted one another, he said, “I noticed these rings are on sale.  Would you like one for your birthday?”

I looked at the sale flyer.  “These are engagement rings,” I said.

“Yes, they are.”  He looked so nervous, I couldn’t help but laugh.  I ended his misery and said yes pretty quickly.  I don’t remember what we did after that, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t involve talking. I wasn’t one bit disappointed at the non-traditional proposal.  And even though he wanted to check out the rings that were on sale, I knew that he would never, ever be stingy with the things that counted; his faithfulness, his love, his trustworthiness.

I have never regretted my decision to live my life as Super Husband’s wife.  When I was a young girl, I didn’t picture myself with a country boy who could melt me with one look and then fix my dishwasher.  But God sent me the man I needed, in His own time.  And for that, I will always be grateful.

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Pauser Poll #1: Pillows!

26 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by koehlerjoni in Humor, Marriage, Poll

≈ Comments Off on Pauser Poll #1: Pillows!

Tags

decorative pillows, Pauser Poll

 pauser poll pillows

For two months now, I’ve intended to push my knowledge of blogging by posting a poll.  Now, I have a perfect topic for my poll, and it’s pillows.  Super Husband and I had a rather heated discussion late one night last week concerning the number of pillows on our bed.  His stance is that of the eight pillows that now reside there, only one pillow belongs to him.  My stance is that I have two pillows, and the other five are to make the bed pretty.  They came with the bedspread I bought, and therefore, are community property.  He used a rather nasty expletive in reference to said pillows.  I told him he needed to pray about his attitude. What he did next was low down and dirty.

He went to work and asked everyone he saw for the next two days about the number of pillows on their beds.  Most of the people he works with are men, and of course, they sided with him.  Now he thinks he’s all that, and wants to reduce the number of pillows on our bed, which I do not want. I like those pillows.  I”m attached.  But I’m willing to listen to reason.

Please take my pillow poll. If the Spartans dominate, then I’ll take a couple of pillows off the bed.  And put them in the guest bedroom.  Where Super Husband can sleep.

Thursday Stretch: Cows and Cleaners

11 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by koehlerjoni in Essay, Marriage, Photography, Writing

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Bissell Symphony, country life, free write, Marriage

Cow Pic for pauser ts (2)

Where’s Randy?

Ready, Set, Done!

Daily Post has given me ten minutes to write freely about whatever I want.  So I want to write about the pictures I took of cows this week.  I’m trying to learn how to use a camera, so I drove around all over the countryside and took pictures of cows for my Christmas post based on the word Low.  You know, like the cattle are lowing?  Anyway, I took this picture long range, and erm, missed the action going on right in the middle of the photo.  It didn’t make the Christmas post cut but I thought some might find it amusing.

I also read this fantastic article about what makes happy marriages, and I included the link below.  It got me thinking about the “bids,” the article talks about.  You know like when your husband says, “Come in the living room. C’Mon Man is coming on.” and you say, “I do not like C’Mon Man, and I’m reading my book.”  Well, that’s a non-bid, and couples who stay together do that less often than couples who either break up or live in misery.

Great article about how good marriages work.

I feel so fortunate that most of our bids to one another are positive.  Here’s an example from texts between my husband and me:

SH:  Three birds dancing in the garage this morning.  I think I will purchase a doggie door and install it to keep them out.  Will call you later. (Note:  SH had put a light in the garage attic and plugged in a radio, which has been playing classical music for the last week.  He had high hopes that it would get rid of the flock of birds who have decided they own our garage.)

Me:  Try heavy metal?  Maybe they’ll hate it.

Then this afternoon, I sent him this picture of my new Bissell Symphony mop head I sent him a message that said, “I symphonied the floors.”

He replied, “Oh, my.  It looks like you mopped the garage floor.”

So grateful that we can have these little moments.  The article says they are very important.

IMG_0666[1]

This pad was snow white when I put it on the machine, and I just mopped a week ago!

Note:  If I had two hundred million dollars, I would buy a Bissell Symphony for every woman on the planet.  

Anyway, my ten minutes is up.  I’m told not to edit, so I won’t.  Have a great day!

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